My good friend Jacob gave me a book called, "The Case for Christ," by Lee Strobel. I never read it. I didn't need someone to present facts to me to give me a reason to believe in Christ, I already knew what I needed to know.
Despite this fact, that book has traveled with me and found a home on my shelves ever since.
**************************
March 18th, 2008
One thing I have come to learn about myself in my early adult years, is that my heart is constantly drawn to religion.. to practicing, to learning, to questioning, growing, believing, to sharing, etc. I always seem to desire to learn more and share it, if others are interested. In fact, I don't think anyone (or I, at least) could learn enough! There's always someone else with another question to answer, another angle to consider, or another belief to understand. In fact, it was this very desire to learn that lead me on a quest for answers that ultimately lead to my joining the Catholic church. I prayed, read books, read the Bible, asked questions, spoke with priests, pastors, roommates, and many devout and beautiful people of both the Lutheran and Catholic churches.
My research certainly wasn't as thorough as others' research has been, but I let those people who spent years and years seeking answers tell me what they'd found by reading their books and testimonies. It was an amazing journey.. with many ups and downs. It felt like a long time to me, but it was only the last year that was really challenging as it was during that year that I started to admit to people that my heart was finding answers in the Catholic faith.. it was humbling, confusing, and scary. Thank goodness, most all supportive, whether they completely understood my reasoning or not. In fact, my dad wrote to me: "It doesn't really matter what any of us think. This is a matter of your faith, your love for Our Savior." I could cry all over again, but that's just a trinket of the great support I received from my loved ones. :) I even got a flower corsage from the CA fam! Anyway, moving along..
aw.. let's add a picture! This pic is of myself, Jill (who was my past roommate, dear friend, and now, sponsor) with our good friends, Ben and Lucy's daughters on the night of my confirmation last year.. ooo.. which was one church-year ago this Saturday!
After I joined the church, I had found a deep peace and was ready to settle into Catholicism. No more struggle, just enjoy the graces, right? Well, that didn't quite work out.. of course not. Why would it? Would evil stop pursuing my heart? Stop challenging my faith?
A few weeks ago I was perusing the book store at the Newark airport with my girlfriends, while we waiting for our boarding time before heading to Aruba. Out of nowhere, this book caught my eye: "A History of God," by Karen Armstrong. "Of course," I thought to myself... I'm supposed to be going on a fun, relaxing vacation and I find a big, fat, hard-cover book about God. Even though I normally go for the light-hearted, don't-have-to-think, just-enjoy fiction whilst traveling.. I always seem to be drawn to books about God. This book especially piqued my interest as the writer had once been a nun, had a bunch of degrees :)and now taught Islam. "Perfect!" I thought to myself, "an interesting perspective and information about how three religions were born from one God!" I always wanted to further delve into the of Islam and Judaism being of the same roots. Perhaps its the missionary desire of my heart that draws me to anything that might help me understand what other people believe to be "God." I figure it must be good to understand something if you're going to say you don't believe it? Rather than reject an idea you don't understand? Or understand what other people believe if you're going to converse with them about what you believe? Does that make sense?
Either way, I knew what I was reading on my vacation:
So much for light-hearted! I started reading the book on the way to Aruba and it didn't take long or much reading between the lines before I could sense what direction she would be going. It was clear she wouldn't be trying to send people to Jesus. I shrugged it off, assuming that knowing her perspective in the beginning would assure my ability to objectively consume her information and digest it without changing my previously established beliefs.
Well, 2 weeks of some serious struggle later, I can tell you I was wrong. It was clear to me that the author was extremely intelligent, well-studied, and offering what appeared to be a great deal factual information. Actually, much of it, I'm sure is fairly factual but I got so caught up in wanting to learn and remember what she was writing, that I forgot to absorb it objectivity, to an extent, and started to mistake everything for fact. This became an issue in the third chapter where she quickly de-deidizes Jesus (totally made that word up.. makes Jesus not divine) making him nothing but a mere healer of the Jewish faith whose humble death clearly indicates he is no God. Meanwhile, the first two meaty chapter were all about how the God we follow now was one of many gods who managed to wipe out all of the other pagan gods/godesses with war and destruction. yikes.. I mean, sure I'd read about many of these stories but the background on the pagan beliefs and gods I had never before considered.
There is really no way for me to explain the depths to which she goes in three chapters.. nor how deep this all wounded my heart and most of these thoughts never left the safety of my heart, but I was struggling, deeply, for the first time ever. I didn't think the Bible was going to provide the answers I needed because it was clearly partial to one side. I didn't know what would.
So, I e-mailed my Old Testament professor from college, Monday night.. knowing he'd never remember me.. (I was actually very quiet in this class believe it or not ;), but I couldn't think of anyone more passionate and knowledgeable of the Old Testament, than him.
The e-mail I sent was fairly short. I didn't get into much detail only mentioning that my faith had been shaken like never before and I wondered if he'd read this book by Armstrong or if he'd heard of her. I figured he'd must of heard of her work and hoped he'd have something to say that would slice her words in the achilles.. but he hadn't heard of her. His e-mail response wasn't exactly what I needed but then again, I hadn't given him much information about where my heart really was or what this writer was all about.
I knew what I could do.. I needed to grab that stupid book (stupid as in its been annoyingly staring at me this whole time begging to be read) gifted to me from my dearest Jake, and start reading.
How annoyed was I that I actually had to read it, but that was just it, I knew I had to. So to the gym we went, me, my shaken faith and Strobel, "Come on, Stroble, give me hope!" Strobel was a journalist with a law degree, and an atheist. His wife became a Christian and as he noticed the changes in her life, he had to investigate this Jesus thing. He writes, in the intro: "Setting aside my self-interest and prejudices as best I could, I read books, interviewed experts, asked questions, analyzed history, explored archaeology, studied ancient literature, and for the first time in my life picked apart the Bible, verse by verse. I plunged into the case with more vigor than with any story I ever pursued. I applied the training I had received at Yale Law School as well as my experience as legal affairs editor of the Chicago Tribune."
"So here we go.." I thought, as I set the book down to take my coat and sweatshirt off at the gym. As I hung them on the rack, someone walking by caught my eye. My priest!!! My priest was at the gym again! I'd seen him one other time, months ago and since he was moved to another parish, I hadn't seen him since. I looked down at the book and felt extremely reassured. Here was a man who'd given his entire life to Christ, to bringing people to Christ. And this man, he is a cool-cat of a priest! He is this hip, good-looking, masculine, athletic, intelligent (I'd gone to several discussion/question-and-answer forums/groups he'd led), well-spoken, Baltimorian native. I didn't know if he'd seen me or even if he would remember me, so I didn't say anything but just soaked up the peace I felt in his presence. It was a great moment.
Then, I hopped on the bike and started reading. I read as fast as I could, anxious to get to something that would help inform me, give me facts, help renew my trust. (I know you must be wondering, "but what about faith, Laura!! that's what faith is!?" I can't explain it.. like I said earlier, I cannot begin to explain how Armstrong's book sucked me in and spit my faith out... but it did)
Eventually I'm on the elliptical, reading and working out vigorously (I think my angst gave me an energy boost!). In the middle of Strobel's second chapter and first interview with Craig Bloomberg where he's questioning the reliability of the four gospels, Bloomberg starts to explain something and refers to the title Jesus most often called himself, "Son of Man." But Strobel interrupts him..
"Hold on.." Reaching into my briefcase, I pulled out a book and leafed through it until i located the quote I was looking for. "Karen Armstrong, the former nun who wrote the best-seller "A History of God"...
THERE IT WAS!!!!! Right then and there I knew EXACTLY what Strobel was going to say next.
"...she [Karen Armstrong] said, it seems that the term, 'Son of Man' simply stressed the weakness and mortality of the human condition,' so by using it, Jesus was merely emphasizing that 'he was a frail human being who would one day suffer and die.' If that's true," I said, "that doesn't sound like much of a claim to deity."
I was elated. My extremities literally stopped moving and the elliptical slowed. I smiled at the book, bowed my head, and gave myself the sign of the cross, right then and there. I'm pretty sure I even "yayyy!" under my breath! ;) How perfect! How perfect that he was questioning Bloomberg with the very same words of Armstrong's convincing writing! ahh... I almost didn't care if I kept reading because I knew Strobel's outcome was faith in Christ.. I knew he eventually converted to Christianity and knowing that he researched to a deeper extent than the mere three disturbing chapters of Armstrong and still came to believe.. that was enough of an answer in and of itself. It was a beautiful moment at the gym for Laura! ;)
But I kept reading anyway. I think the next part is fantastic, so I'm going to share with you how Bloomberg responded to Strobel:
"Bloomberg's expression turned sour. 'Look,' he said firmly, 'contrary to popular belief, 'Son of Man' does not primarily refer to Jesus' humanity. Instead, it's a direct allusion to Daniel 7:13-14.'"
With that he opened the Old Testament and read those words of the prophet Daniel: 'In my vision at night I looked, and there before me was one like a son of man, coming with the clouds of heaven. he approached the Ancient of Days and was led into his presence. He was given authority, glory and sovereign power; all peoples, nations and men of every language worshiped him. His dominion is an everlasting dominion that will not pass away, and his kingdom is one that will never be destroyed.'
Bloomberg shut the Bible. 'So look at what Jesus is doing by applying the term Son of Man to himself... this is someone who approaches God himself in his heavenly throne room and is given universal authority and dominion. That makes the 'Son of Man' a title of great exaltation, not of mere humanity.'"
So.. there you have it. I'm sure, if you've made it this far, you've read enough and are ready to be done! ;) So I'll leave it at this.. I'm thankful to have had this time of struggle, if no other time than during lent, if only to better appreciate the resurrection, faith, trust, all while having gained a deeper understanding of the history of God and.. something that finally made me read "The Case for Christ." Although, I think its perfect that I hadn't read it until now and yet carried it with me from MN to CA to IA to MD. And just like many of the other blessings I couldn't even ignore during this time of struggle, as many of the gifts from God, this book and I bonded at just the right time.
Thanks for reading.. and for caring.
Much love
lkm
